DAY ZERO

In April of 2010, I became painfully aware of something:  I am waiting.  This may be considered by some to be a flaw.  The flaw is not in the act of waiting, for sometimes waiting is beyond our control, but in the way I spend the waiting. 

This epiphany happened on the day that represented another year of dating my boyfriend.  Each time this anniversary rolls around I wonder when he will finally ask the question that will take me blissfully into the next phase of our relationship.  Unfortunately, I haven’t exactly been quiet about my feelings on the situation.  While I’m sure I’ve become something of a thorn in the side to him, I’ve also driven myself half-crazed with this wondering about and waiting for the future in my personal life. 

I also happen to find myself waiting to seal my future professionally.  While my employment is steady and relatively secure, I am going through changes right now and can’t be certain where I’ll land. 

Finally, I find myself waiting to achieve the healthy body and healthy weight I’ve been struggling with for years. 

As I think about these things that keep me anxious and impatient, I realize I need to let go.  I can’t spend every day obsessing over the things I can’t change (my relationship, my job) or the things that will change slowly (my weight).  None of these things are so unbearable that I can’ t enjoy them during the waiting.  I can enjoy my relationship with the man I love every day – not just the ones that follow a diamond ring.  I can learn and grow and enjoy work as I become a better employee so that when I do settle into a position, I can give it everything I have.  And I can love to workout and eat well and know my body is changing long before I fit into my skinny jeans. 

So I’ve devised a plan to distract me for the next 365 days:   I’m going to write the time away.   I hauled a book off my bookshelf called “A Writer’s Book of Days” by Judy Reeves.  Along with quips about famous writers and tips on writing practices, the book contains a writing prompt for every day of the year.  I am going to focus on writing, be it here online or in a journal (which will then be transferred online) every day.  I enjoy writing.  I find it therapeutic.  Sometimes, I even think I have a smidgen of talent.  So I’m going to spend a year improving something I love to do.  And who knows, I may find myself on the other side of twelve months with a new ring on my finger, a new title on my business card and a new body to go with it all.  But mostly I believe I’ll learn that things will happen…

when the time is write.

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