Day Zero

In April of 2010, I became painfully aware of something: I am waiting. This may be considered by some to be a flaw. The flaw is not in the act of waiting, for sometimes waiting is beyond our control, but in the way I spend the waiting. This epiphany happened on the day that represented another year of dating my boyfriend. Each time this anniversary rolls around I wonder when he will finally ask the question that will take me blissfully into the next phase of our relationship. Unfortunately, I haven’t exactly been quiet about my feelings on the situation. While I’m sure I’ve become something of a thorn in the side to him, I’ve also driven myself half-crazed with this wondering about and waiting for the future in my personal life. I also happen to find myself waiting to seal my future professionally. While my employment is steady and relatively secure, I am going through changes right now and can’t be certain where I’ll land. Finally, I find myself waiting to achieve the healthy body and healthy weight I’ve been struggling with for years. As I think about these things that keep me anxious and impatient, I realize I need to let go. I can’t spend every day obsessing over the things I can’t change (my relationship, my job) or the things that will change slowly (my weight). None of these things are so unbearable that I can’ t enjoy them during the waiting. I can enjoy my relationship with the man I love every day – not just the ones that follow a diamond ring. I can learn and grow and enjoy work as I become a better employee so that when I do settle into a position, I can give it everything I have. And I can love to workout and eat well and know my body is changing long before I fit into my skinny jeans. So I’ve devised a plan to distract me for the next 365 days: I’m going to write the time away. I hauled a book off my bookshelf called “A Writer’s Book of Days” by Judy Reeves. Along with quips about famous writers and tips on writing practices, the book contains a writing prompt for every day of the year. I am going to focus on writing, be it here online or in a journal (which will then be transferred online) every day. I enjoy writing. I find it therapeutic. Sometimes, I even think I have a smidgen of talent. So I’m going to spend a year improving something I love to do. And who knows, I may find myself on the other side of twelve months with a new ring on my finger, a new title on my business card and a new body to go with it all. But mostly I believe I’ll learn that things will happen “when the time is write.”

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